I'm so drained by the demands of the holidays that I've had a hard time posting anything. It isn't because I haven't tried. I've started so many posts that I didn't finish. Sometimes it was just because I went to sleep and then couldn't regain the momentum the next day. Sometimes I just didn't feel the same so it didn't matter. Other times I've gotten partway through and just been too full of emotions and information to be able to spit it all out in a reasonable manner.
Shopping and wrapping are wonderful, rewarding, torturous and just plain painful. People are at their absolute best AND worst at this time of year. I try to be patient and understanding and lend sympathy to everyone.
But down deep? Outside of the wonderful people I encounter with their kids and love and excitement? The jerks bring me down.
I want to kill some of them or just tell them off. But because I don't want to feel that, experience the conflicts or live in the world of negative I just bottle it all and put on a good face. Who wants to be the grumpy, Grinchy person out shopping? Certainly not me. So I shove it down and paste a smile on my face and do my damnedest to focus on the positive, the happy kids and the joyous shoppers.
I just find it takes its toll. Do you know what I mean? You find your nerves and patience worn to a thin, raw nub. So after putting on the smiley face of a saint in the world of shopping you find yourself snapping at the people you love the most. The people you are enduring all the crap for to bring them joy and happiness. How ridiculous is that? Those aren't the people really driving you crazy but you still tamp it down for the strangers and feel too exhausted to make the same effort for your friends and family.
Okay, maybe this is just me. Not trying to project my issues on the rest of you. But I think there are many in the world who experience this too.
So I guess I'm gonna take some deep breaths and remember how much I love those who are closest to my heart. I've done most of my wrapping and ALL of my shopping so I can take the time to reflect on what's important.
But just so we're clear? If you are one of those rude people that makes me so angry? Santa isn't bringing you the presents that matter. And Rudolph will poop on your roof.