What a day! : )

I wanted to blog.

Life got in the way.

I'm kind of okay with that.

I am so sorry my sister-in-law experienced pain and distress today. I am beyond grateful that my day was spent in the company of the cutest, happiest, most entertaining babies that were ever put on this earth.

I'm grateful my sister-in-law is okay......pending surgery.

I'm happy that I had a life that is so rewarding and full of love that I didn't have much time to blog.

I am more than okay with that.

So I got to blog after all.

And to think I started my day with plans to visit with friends in east county. Their daughter had a fever and stayed home from school and we had to cancel. So I called my mom and arranged to go Christmas shopping in the early afternoon. As a result I was dressed and ready to go when my brother called and asked us to help.

Talk about the domino effect.

Love you all. May I find my inner blog tomorrow. Sweet dreams.

Failure post but still a post

Okay, apparently I'm not meant to seriously blog tonight. I've put in two different ones and both have had crashes and failures. I take this as a sign from the Universe. I will say nothing meaningful, spiritual, political or in any way enlightening. The very fact that this is the one post that will publish successfully is all the proof I need to know that the Universe wants me to contribute nothing today on any significant level.

I don't think there is an expectation of me in the blogosphere as yet but I alone am disappointed in my ability to thwart destiny. Pretty lights and decorations for Christmas have me thrilled. And I hope I'm not taunting the wizards of fate when I once again worship the house with the full on, large window, media event with Santa carousing their home with a candle and warning spectators not to alert the inhabitants. Terrified my girls and MADE MY HOLIDAY.

I had so much to say and yet I haven't been able to produce.

Shop. Love. Cherish loved ones and memories. Listen to some freaking Christmas music. I will try to overcome my technological deficiencies and post a real blog tomorrow. Hopefully. Love and peace, y'all. Mwah!

How 'bout them Raiders?

I started to write a blog about the WikiLeaks situation but discovered it just made me too angry.

I thought about a blog about my weekend but really? It was just nice, relaxed and pampered for the most part. The only really bad part was my husband having to work some. Oh yeah, and the score between the Chargers and the *gag* Raiders. I didn't even get to watch the game because the first special teams fumble made Jeff so mad we couldn't keep it on. Had to watch it play by play on the online graphic program.

I really don't like the Raiders. As a team I can admire a few of their players sometimes. But they are THE most penalized team in the NFL. They play dirty more than most other teams. And their fans are overwhelming violent. When we have huge surges of bail bondsmen commercials every time they're in town that says it all for me.

Please don't get me wrong. I know quite the array of Raiders fans who are, for the most part, well-adjusted, rational, non-violent individuals. I don't mean to generalize and paint every fan of the silver and black as a violent, felon gang-banger.

And yet I'm stuck with way more than a stereotype with this team. Prison inmates (particularly in California but also spread across the nation) have a disproportionate number of Raiders fans compared to other teams. The Oakland area is the motherland to motorcycle gangs like Hells Angels and they follow Raiders almost without fail. Mexican gangs are also unbelievably tilted to being Raider fans.

Whenever the Raiders come to town we have to have increased police presence not only at the game but all over the city. Crime and violence go up without fail. I'm pretty sure bondsmen all over the county thought of this game as a fantastic Christmas bonus. Domestic violence even goes up when the Raiders are in town.

Now I know that the Raiders aren't the only team to spur violence at their wins AND losses. Good grief, the Lakers fans are ridiculous. Detroit fans go nuts. It's not an isolated event. But how many cause crime in another city when they play?

I understand if that's your hometown and you love your team. I don't get the fans who align themselves with a team JUST because of its violent image and following. It's just so weird and sick and the fact that the team almost prides itself on dirty plays and high numbers of penalties is bizarre to me. Shouldn't a team want as FEW penalties and fines as possible? Isn't that normal?

Sorry for all the negative here but doesn't this bother anyone else out there? Just takes up so much space in my brain wondering about it.

If you're a fan, please tell me why and don't be offended. I have a feeling there are more like me in my friendship circle, though.

Thanks for listening to my rant. I actually DO feel better. And WAY less panicked than if I'd blogged about Julian Assange or anything to do with him. This topic didn't require Xanax. Wheeee! Rum and diet Coke win.

Holidays complicate things

Wow, remembering to blog every day, even when you don't feel like it is hard. I bow to and worship those of you who are capable of maintaining your blogs with greater commitment.

It's the Christmas thing. I'm caught up in what we can spend, who we need to buy for and what is the most amazing thing to make people you love feel happy. My mom is planning our shopping down to the hour. I'm desperate to come up with an unused idea about making presents for people. I just can't be irresponsible about our finances right now.

I wanted my roof fixed so we could put the Christmas tree by the front door for everyone to see but it doesn't seem to be happening. I'm probably just going to invade the living room on my own and throw out everything in sight so I can at least have a fresh cut tree in there. I'm feeling like getting rid of almost everything we own right now. At least we'll have more time for ordering dumpsters and filling them over the holidays.

And yes, for anyone who knew me before and was aware of my horror about killing living trees just to stow them in my house for the holidays? Got over it. Love the smell and the freshness. Not to mention the whole fake tree being okay thing being ruined a couple of years ago when a rodent infestation had precluded the holidays and our extraction of our beautiful fake tree showed signs of rodent habitation. I wish it had been legal to burn that thing. So yeah, I'm over the save the tree thing. If animals were on the tree I buy every year at LEAST they were on it in a natural, woody setting. Not within the bounds of my home.

So anyways. I will be shopping. Maybe I'll blog (please, please, please). I'll be cleaning, too. Eventually we'll be decorating and wrapping. At some point I will come to terms with what we CAN or CANNOT do. And I'll get to think about my babies Wednesday and Jacksun a whole bunch.

Oh yeah, for the record? We went to Jeff's new company's Christmas party last night. The most relaxed, enjoyable holiday party I have ever attended. Good food, good company and the most fun I've ever had with a White Elephant exchange.

Being a victim is a life choice

You know what drives me crazy? Victims. No, not someone who is a victim of a crime or a child who is beaten. I am talking about the perpetual victim personality. There are whole sections of our society dedicated to keeping themselves in a victim status. And there are people who are born with victim DNA. There are also people born with a complete rejection of being a victim no matter how many times they find themselves victimized throughout life.

The moment you allow yourself to be classified as a minority and accept the very concept that you deserve preferential treatment - you have embraced victimization. You have given up your free will and your control over your own destiny. You have handed over the responsibility of you, as an individual, to succeed or claim your own attributes as the reasons for any success you might achieve. You have guaranteed a future where you get jobs, grants, scholarships, college acceptance, loans, promotions, houses, benefits, retributions because of affirmative action. You will be forever indebted to your benefactors for any success or gifts you receive. You will never be able to claim your own competence, intelligence, capability, resourcefulness, or ingenuity as the reasons for anything you achieve in life. Victimization has consequences.

Yes, you will never have to be responsible for anything you do wrong. Your benefactors will champion your right to be lowly, incapable of growth, poor, uneducated, violent, addicted and more. Isn't that fantastic? Wow, a whole system designed to make sure you never climb up, never think for yourself, never better yourself, never overcome your upbringing and environment. So, if you fall under this category, do you never question how a system that benefits from your low level, helpless, reliant personality could possibly be created to help you? If they get power and votes from your dependence, what possible reasons could they have for helping you actually become better, dominant and successful? If they get your vote and support from keeping you as lowly victims, what incentive do they have to let you out of your position as a helpless victim? None.

Liberals have been the ruling class in minority, beaten down districts for decades now. Not only have those districts not thrown off the mantle of repression - they have worsened over the years. Can you not see that they claim to represent you but they can only stay in power if you remain victims, minorities and powerless?

On the other side Conservative have been demonized as hating the disadvantaged on every level. And yet, if you look at this month's elections, the number of hispanic, female, gay and black people who were supported on their platform stances was overwhelming. And the Dems, liberals and "progressives" (not to mention the liberal media) all bashed every woman, gay, black and latino who ran for office with Tea Party support on the basis that they were stupid, racist, Judas back-stabbers to every other individual who fit their minority definitions. Really? They are people who want to succeed on their own merits. They have no desire to be indebted to anyone else for their future because they have figured out how to do it for themselves.

I am American Indian on 3 different fronts. My husband is on at least 2. Our children are gifted with all of those tribes.

We are also a family combination of Irish, Scottish, English and French Jew.

3 of us our women.

Jeff and I were molested.

I was abused physically, emotionally, sexually and psychically.

My father abused my mother, brother and me.

My step-father sexually abused my brother, my 2 step-brothers and almost all the boys I grew up with and loved. My mother married him after he was convicted on my first day of college and is still married to him today. He has has strokes which have made him completely incapable of buffering just in time for my brother to have a baby boy.

Here's my point. I have rejected preferential treatment of women for jobs, colleges, etc. since I was a teenager.

If you've been molested or abused - you are not a victim as a personality trait. Be pro-active and in charge of your life. If the asshole hurts you anyways, you have been victimized. This doesn't mean you have to be a victim as a personality.


I am bi-sexual, pagan, tattooed, abused, Amerindian, molested, poor most of my life, never got to finish college, started having kids at 19, white trash.

But I have educated myself. I homeschooled my girls. I reject the world of victimization even though others seek solace in it.

I'm bi-polar and so are both of my girls to different extents. Ariana is ADD and dyslexic. But we haven't asked for governmetn assistance, loans, and victimization papers.

I'm just saying that just because you have been treated like shit by family and society? Doesn't mean you get preferential treatment in real life. I've said since I was a child in the eighties that I didn't want to be given anything just because I was female. I don't want to be given anything because I was abused. I don't want people like me who have been abused to get off because we were victims who hurt others.

We are ALL responsible for our choices as adults. This is why I reject the entire liberal agenda. Who you are today is a choice on every level. Were your ancestors slaves, indebted servants, lower class? Who gives a shit? You are what you do in this world today. You are responsible for your own failures and successes.

The left say they want to champion you because of your skin color, gender, religion, immigration status, etc. They are called liberators.

The right says they want people to succeed because they believe in freedom, the constitution, individuality, justice and individual success. '

If you have a brain, which side do you really support? If you believe in people fulfilling their dreams, which side supports YOU?

Stop being victims. I have no sympathy for you. Make the world better or just go away. If you aren't made stronger by the thing that have happened to you than fade away into obscurity. You aren't worth anything and won't better our world.

Musings from a "betcha" kind of gal

Why do people hate Sarah Palin so much?

I understand if you disagree with her politically. Really I do. But the vitriol she attracts has really confused me from the very beginning. What creates such hateful, venomous rhetoric from people on both sides?

I'm not even saying that I want her to be the next President at this point. I'm not ruling it out mind you. I'm just not thrilled with her aligning herself with the Tea Party Express and supporting some GOP pushed nominees in this month's elections. The Tea Party is NOT the Express crowd, which really represents some GOP minded fundraisers who agree up to a certain point with Tea Party principles but still believe the establishment has all the answers. She is either naive doing this, too loyal to the GOP or sold out for the money. I don't know yet and I reserve my judgments for her future actions. One can only be judged by what they actually do, not just what they say. Until the past few months, I believed in her based on that criteria.

I also do not like her doing a travel documentary show for TLC or her short-lived show on Fox. I don't think it's proper for a politician to be in that role. I think they should be one or the other and she is so damn effective as a politician and speaker that I'm disappointed in her choices to follow the other paths.

See how my likes and dislikes of her are based in reason? Do you see how I can state my feelings with some criteria that makes sense?

Compare this to the rabid dislike of "the way she speaks". Really? Clinton rambled on in southern dialect and no one complained. (Bush's same dialect was ridiculed as he is a Conservative, at least in some areas.) Carter and his family couldn't put sentences together. Obama speaks in an accent he must have created for himself since it doesn't exist in Kenya, Hawaii or Chicago. I'm guessing it is IvyLeagian dialect since that is the only place people seem to speak in such a manner. He has none of the cadences so recognizable from Kenya OR Hawaii, despite having grown up in those two places. But hey, Sarah Palin sounds "weird".

You know what? I like her "betcha" vernacular. I find it recognizable and totally middle America. How do you decide on a political candidate based on making fun of her accent?

Do they hate her because she's pretty? God knows most liberals (Pelosi, Boxer, Waters) are on the horrifically deformed side. But we really criticize her for being attractive, athletic and a mother? We hate mothers now? Well, I guess if you support full-scale abortions and cleansing of undesirables (see Planned Parenthood and Eric Holder for 2 examples) then I guess we do.

I have seen Biden AND Obama make huge gaffes in their public speaking engagements. I mean, 4 speeches in a row our renowned President referred to the Army Corps as a group of dead individuals (corpses) repeatedly. Biden asked a disabled man to stand up. Our glorious leader said he'd been to all 56 states. And Palin is the moron? She's the inexperienced one?

Look, I don't think Bristol should have won DWTS. However, I think that the number of people who support her mom and her own life that voted for her shows more about the revolution happening in this country than even the November election could prove. I don't even agree with either of these mothers of young children being out without their babies so much and so often is a choice of motherhood I want to defend. But for crying out loud, judge them on something real, something you actually believe in. Stop name calling and repeating what the media and SNL tells you to think about them. Develop an independent thought.

She is a mother. She cares about the world her children will inhabit. She believes in the Constitution. She is real and Rissa and I totally identify with her personality and approach to life. We see ourselves in her. She takes the road less travelled at every turn. She chose life for her beautiful son with Down's Syndrome. She cannot be accused of racism (husband and children, bona fide American Indians, for the morons who don't get it), sexism or hating the poor since she herself has been there and done that. So in the absence of real criticism people attack with hatred and mindless malevolence that reeks of fear.

You know what? I think - no matter what they claim - liberals are more hateful to women candidates than any conservative has EVER been. I think the liberal media has attacked every woman on both sides of the aisle repeatedly. And if you're a woman and conservative? You must be destroyed. Oh wait. It's just like if you are a black conservative. Or hispanic conservative. Or gay conservative. You must be drawn and quartered for you prove that the liberals spew lies and manipulations when they claim to champion those groups. You cannot have your own mind and be any of those "minority", victimized people. They lose their power when you do that. They lose their credibility. They lose their ability to control. So they must attack you, the people they claim to defend, with more anger and animosity than they do any white, male, Christian candidate. People really should catch on eventually, right?

This is why I love the Tea Party movement. This is why I think we have started a revolution that will change this nation back to greatness from within.

And this is why I love Sarah Palin. In her we saw that greatness, that humanity, that we were lacking in all the McCains, Bush's, Michael Steeles and Colin Powells. Those of us who were inspired by her have surged forward to take back our party and with it - OUR COUNTRY. We're not affected by the name calling and the typical, liberal playbook. For crying out loud, when you are American Indian, pagan, tattooed, bi-sexual and standing between an Asian man and a black and hispanic couple and people scream RACIST at you at a Tea Party event you have to realize how full of bullshit the entire opposition is. WTF?

Thank you America. We can't get discouraged now. We're getting ready to change the world again.

Seasonal Starts

Well, tonight is late blogging and probably not very long. Of course, there is rarely a limit on my rambling capabilities.

I meant this blog to be more political. Yet considering the season I'm not that shocked that the personal is in the forefront right now. I am so easily affected by the holidays. It starts with Halloween with the costumes, candy and all the Day of the Dead traditions. We then shoot into Thanksgiving which is rich in meaning for my mother and myself with a whole new layer added by my children. Then we get tangled up in Christmas and with the lights, the charity, the good will and all the music I just get swept away. (My husband's birthday on the 16th and my mom's on the 24th certainly add to all the celebrations.)

So while I may have some other ranting and raving to do in the next few weeks, I'll probably be more of a mushy mess. Especially with little ones around to shop for. It's just too exciting for words. And we'll follow it up with Wednesday's 2nd birthday in early January. How much fun can one family have, really?

I can't wait to have a tree in our home. The girls will go over and decorate my mother's house with her. We can not wait for Wednesday and Jack to be old enough to join the older girls. Maybe our roof will get fixed before we get a tree and we'll be able to put it where I've always wanted it, next to the front door. I just think it would be exciting to have it where people can see it as they walk or drive past my house.

And in the meantime I just want to give money to everyone with a good cause at this time of year. Buying those meals in a bag at Henry's 3-7 times for each holiday. Stuffing money in the Salvation Army buckets. Donating a few toys to different groups for children. I know we don't have much money right now but we need so little compared to them. And so many people (including friends, one who used to let me "shop" for my kids at her house, Carol) have given us support and help in the past I can't help but wanting to give back. Okay, maybe I'm a sucker but I can't stand the thought of someone really being without what they truly need during this season.

And I'm like this even though it isn't a Christian tradition for me. It's American tradition and a time of the year when pagaan religions celebrated being able to live through the winter and gave thanks to the world. I don't really care where the traditions lie at this time of year. Just that, through all the cranky shoppers and drivers, there is this feeling of love and good will. After all, you aren't shopping for yourself at this time of year. You are asked to think of others and making them happy, even in the smallest ways.

So we will listen to the music, both new and old. I will remember the Christian songs and stories and relate them as a former minister's kid. We will feel warm and fuzzy and try to share it with as many people on this planet as possible.

Happy holiday beginnings, everyone. I hope this year is full of hope, love, friendships and family. May we all take this time of year to try to make our corner of the world a little bit better, a tiny bit happier.

Give love that you may receive the same. Bless you all.