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Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Frustrated. Period.

You know what? Recently my cousin David and his wife Natalie came for a short dinner visit here in San Diego. He is always giving me a hard time about my "reluctance" to travel while he does so with complete abandon. And I got a little frustrated.

He also implied that I had formed strong attachments and impressions of our family and identified with them "even though (I)you didn't know them really and didn't grow up with them". Way to play on the fears I had about my devastation and loss when family members have passed.

I don't even know which to tackle first. Should I recall how my parents ripped me from place to place as a child until I wanted nothing more than to have a place I could stay still, own and be stable? Should I share all the travelling I've done on my own and with my family? Maybe I'm supposed to throw in his face the things I've experienced here in California PLUS the rest of my travels?

My memories of our childhoods seems to be much clearer than his. Maybe I didn't live there with them but that doesn't make me less connected. For crying out loud, when our family members have died they've come to me, told me good-bye and passed over in front of me. How is he more qualified than me about our family connections?

Sorry. Just really frustrated. I have NO contact with my dad's family. (Except for my recent contact with my cousin Gail which is sooooo fantastic.) And yet my memories and the info I have gives me much insight and I remember the connections. I am eternally grateful that my mother refused to give in and move back to the small town our family used to dominate. I would have suffocated from all the "love" and "good intentions".

And hey! How about all the unrest in the Middle East? What's up with that?

Thanks all. Signing off.

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