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Friday, March 18, 2011

Glasses for my soul

So, I've been taking lithium for 8 days now. I can't believe how different I feel. I can't believe how MUCH I feel. I have access to me all the time. Some side effects but nothing that isn't worth the absolute joy I am finding in myself again.

It's almost impossible to explain. I've got one analogy that works for me so be patient and see if you can understand.

When I was in third grade I started sitting close to the front of the room all the time. I told the teacher I couldn't understand unless I did. She and my parents had a couple of meetings, thinking I was just seeking attention, basically. Then toward the end of the year they tested all of our eyes and realized I was in severe need of glasses, explaining my problem.

During the summer my parents took me to the optometrist and eventually we went to pick up my first pair of glasses. (Ugly coke-bottle things but hey...)

It was a miracle. I couldn't believe what I could see. The billboards, the trees, the other cars. Everything amazed me. Realizing this is what everyone saw all the time and I had been missing it. I was overjoyed. You should have heard me, exclaiming over things non-stop for the entire drive. I couldn't get enough of my new world and how beautiful it was any more than I could get past the fact that I thought I was seeing everything before. I had no idea what I was missing because I hadn't seen it before.

That's what the lithium feels like. Suddenly the world is brighter and clearer and so are my emotions. I'm amazed by what I see and feel. It's like someone put glasses on my soul and mind and I can see the world like normal people.l

And I'm just as amazed and I can't stop exclaiming over what I see and feel.

Is that a good way to explain it?

1 comment:

Crayl said...

It's a beautiful way to explain it.